...is a long one.
I was about five-years-old when it all started, but as I reflect more, it could have been earlier. I was living with my mother, we didn't have a lot, so we had to share a bedroom for a time before we could move somewhere more spacious. I could fall asleep quickly, whereas she would wake at the slightest disturbance, expect that night. My eyes shot open, the normally black bedroom was blanketed in a warm light blue light piercing from the window. I don't know why I woke up, nor did I know why I had to go towards the window.
Peeling back the warm blankets and swinging off the mattress before slinking to the light. My mother was still and asleep, her presence was muted as I charged to the glowing glass ahead of me. I didn't stop walking and I didn't even consider that my path had passed through the wall.
The walkway was made of the same luminous blue, but ahead of me was a short dark figure waiting for me at the end. Her round smooth head housed two lime green eyes, her golden skin was clothed in a rich red robe. Though she may have been little taller than me, I knew this woman was very old.
Her hand beckoned me to come, I walked faster. She placed her hand on my shoulder and guided me to a room. It was filled with children, some of them wearing pyjamas and others were in everyday wear playing with toys and games with each other and the adults. I looked to their faces, some of the children looked more like me, but some had looked very strange. Some didn't have hair, others had blue skin and strange eyes. The adults, however, were the strangest of all. None of them looked like me. At the time, I had no concept of human and alien, only how odd they appeared. The golden woman pointed to another lady in the corner of the room. She asked me to go to her, so I did. This other lady was tall like my mother, she had deep purple hair and lilac skin clothed in a light and colourful dress. She smiled and sat me down on a small chair beside her.
“My name is Antajisan. I'm going to bring out some toys, play with them until I bring out another. Once you're done, you can play with the others.” she said.
She drew out a pyramid-shaped toy that could be broken down to smaller shapes and pieced together. My hands pried the thing apart, but I struggled to put it back together. Antajisan slipped it away, before handing me a gooey mass. She instructed me to make shapes out of it. I really liked this one, it was easy to use. Several more toys came and went, and with a smile Antajisan let me go to play with others. I remember sitting around a small group of kids, one boy had a tiny spinning frisbee in his finger, the harder he spun it, the toy flew up in the air, before gliding back down. All of us who watched him fought to be the next one to play with it. I don't remember how I got back to my room, but life had resumed.
It was probably a whole other year before I saw the purple lady. I woke up again and Antajisan was standing there. I didn't expect to see her so close to me, she realised that I was afraid and crouched low before taking my hand to go back through the window. The room was different this time, it looked like a gallery. There were other children there with a strange-looking adult by their side. We were there for minutes or hours, maybe even days. Antajisan told me that this was the last time she was going to see me like this. I felt a sense of familial bond with her and being told that she wasn't going to see me anymore broke me into tears. Antajisan even begged for me not to cry, but this was something I couldn't do.
I didn't think it was weird or even extra-ordinary when I was telling my mother and friends at school about my nightly visits. Every once in awhile, I would see Antajisan and others looking-like her, come to me when I was awake – though no others could see them. My mother commented how often I would play on my own and I would reply with 'no, I'm not,' I wasn't at the time. I would draw them, talk to my friends about how they looked and sounded like, no one ever questioned it. Reaching to eight-years, my grandfather had enough of me telling stories. He tried convincing me that my imaginary friends weren't real, that I had made them up and I was getting 'too old to believe these silly things.' I argued back, but it was too late – the seed of doubt had been planted.
From there on, I would ignore Antasjisan and all the other strange folk who came to me. I began believing that they weren't real and their feelings couldn't be hurt if I stopped talking to them. Until one day, they stopped and I was alone.
The gnawing guilt ate at my mind for a while before I focused back to playgrounds, but the feeling of loss and that black hole stayed right through to high school. I had no trouble making friends, but there was something always missing, yet I didn't know the words to understand why. Memories flashed in my mind of things I hadn't done in my current life, actions and words were spoken that I knew I didn't do. I thought they were more dreams, but their likeness to life was eerily familiar. I wanted to ask someone what these memories were, but no one understood, so I tried forgetting them. As I grew, those childhood days grew apart from me, I believed they were just dreams of a lonely child, until one night.
Between the confusing years of thirteen and fourteen, I was having a dull dream. It was interrupted with an intrusive static image of a man that I had never seen before. His long and delicate neck held a large, round head with two sharp golden eyes staring into me. His body was white and partially intangible, yet his aura shone white and yellow. He looked like a god.
“My name is Mezreth. I'm not human and I represent a cooperative of peoples who aren't either – yet, they know of humanity. We seek to bridge our peoples by making contact with those who have been contacted by us. I've known about you for a very long time, even before your birth, and would like to offer you a choice. You can return to your life and forget all about me, or you can allow me to show you another future and understand your past.” he said.
Without missing a beat, I accepted. Mezreth reached deep into my mind and pulled me out into the floating nothingness of space. He tugged me to the dark side of the moon, to my shock and delight, there were faint lights sparkling on its surface. We sunk through the rocky grounds before finding myself in a wide and shadowed room with beings standing all around us. Some of them came forth and introduced themselves, while others kept their distance. I felt like my heart was racing, the excitement was bursting through my veins, but I realised I didn't have a body.
“You're astrally travelling; astral forms don't have veins or a heart” Mezreth said.
I had a strong familiarity with this feeling and had a vague idea of what astral projection was, but it hit me that I had been doing it my whole life. What else could I do or have been doing and I wasn’t aware of it? Was Antajisan and the golden woman real? Was I really recalling my past life memories? Was I too hopeful or utterly insane? So many questions and this was the chance to have them answered. The following morning, I woke to hear a distant murmur of their voices, I could hear Mezreth’s and Antajisan’s thoughts, but there were others that would slip in. Mezreth even told me that many E.T. liaisons were a different variety of human - a new human with a tiny mix of E.T..
"Am I one of them?" I asked.
"You're a part of me." Antajisan said. How could I return to ordinary life after that? I tried telling other people, but they would either laugh or stay silent. Was this what madness felt like? After a while, I begged for the silence in my mind because it was overwhelming, they were telling me about different species, races, cultures, worlds, science, how they are the way they are – it was too much!
All this knowledge dumped into my mind and had no practical or physical means to do anything, I questioned the point of it, I was only a teenager.
In my lowest moments, wondering if this was a mental illness finally manifesting, something occurred that I hadn’t expected. The beings that I met with Mezreth, the same people who would speak with me in my waking and sleeping world, shown me a piece of their lives. Like a film playing in my mind, each person has shown me powerful memories of their experiences on how they became xeno-ambassadors. I saw their friends, family, childhood, I felt their pain when tragedy happened and laughed on the better days. Telling me the agonizingly intimate moments of their lives opened my eyes of how human they really are. They weren’t ‘alien’ anymore, they were people who’ve loved and lost, failed and succeeded. They became people to me at that moment, and I wanted to tell everyone around them about them.
However, my mother, being my primary confidant, still doubted my claims. A woman of science and firm reason guided her decisions, yet instead of casting these happening aside, she did the greatest thing that could have happened: she started researching. After years of looking into it, she discovered that there were thousands of people around the world, spanning ages, ethnicities and backgrounds who had spoken about the same thing I was. She knew that I spent most of my time drawing and playing video games. I had to release the burden of knowing about E.T.s, sometimes we would spend several hours every day talking about everything I had seen and everyone I had met - more accurately, I was doing most of the talking.
One fortunate day, my mother comes and tells me about a contactee researcher, specialising in the New Humans, that lives in Australia. Her name: Mary Rodwell. At seventeen, Mary assured that I wasn't alone in my experiences. I had no idea that there were so many people like me walking around and talking about their E.T. contacts. She referred me to a few people in my local city, who inevitably became lifelong friends. After years of conversing, learning from others like me, Mary asked me to do an interview for her next presentation.
At nineteen, my confidence to open something so personal to the public terrified me. With each word of support and more contact with like-minded people, my fears muted. Talking to anyone who would listen was something I wanted to do – I had to do. Though Mezreth and Antajisan never dictated what I was meant to do, they gave me knowledge and guidance on where to channel it. I needed to pull the veil of mystery of the E.T.s to show how alike they were to humans: flawed beings who seek their place in the universe.
A few short years later, I was asked to do a presentation on my experiences. Since then, I dedicated my life to talking about the E.T.s and their messages they want to share with anyone who wants to hear.